Anyhow. One of the ways to decrease the chance of SIDS was to have your child sleep in the same room with you for the first 6 months. Well, honestly, I wanted Ava to be near me anyways. So this was A-OK with me! And regardless, if we heard her moving around, coughing, or had a feeling something was wrong we could either get up and have to go to the other room to make sure she was alive or we could peak in the crib by our bedside. We opted for the bedside.
I have loved having her in our room. Sometimes she moves around and wakes up the hubs...Mr. Lightsleeper. But we also love peering over to see her smile, listen to her talk, or see her hand grab the side of the crib like she is trying to escape. And sometimes we just watch her as she sleeps contently like a little angel.
A few times we contemplated moving her to her own room because we thought we were all waking each other up. Making for interrupted, restless nights. But in the end we kept her in our room and were comforted all being together.
I knew I wanted to have Ava in her own room at 6 months because if she slept in our room any longer we would both have separation anxiety. At 6 months, I am really the only person who would have to deal with the separation anxiety. And if we cut the cord at 6 months, we kept her safe according to SIDS guidelines while also giving her her own space before she ever knew that she had only stayed in our room her whole life.
And so on her 6 month birthday we got everything ready for the move.
We set up the monitor. And I turned the volume all the way up. So much that we could hear our voices in our speaker...from talking in our room which carried our voices to her monitor in her room and was then heard through our speaker in our room where the noise started. Uh, yeah. I might have been a little nervous about going to our separate rooms. And yes, our rooms are only about 10 steps from each other, so the noise didn't have to carry that far. But it was still funny and a bit ridiculous.
So Ava already fell asleep in the living room so Kyle went to set Ava in her crib. And we both stood there and watched her. Waiting for disaster so we could take her back to our room. She rolled to her side and stayed peacefully asleep. We went back to the living room for a bit only to check on her a few minutes later. Now she was sleeping on her stomach. Gosh dang it girl! I know once a baby is strong enough to roll over that it's ok for them to sleep on their stomach. But this is only the third time she has done this. And really? Sleeping on her stomach the first night out of our room. I would really just prefer all possible dangers to be eliminated so Kyle flipped her back to her back. But then she quickly rolled back to her side. And shortly later back to her stomach.
Such a small girl in such a big crib
We gave up on flipping her to her back. So Kyle went back out to the living room and I went into our room to get ready for bed. I looked around at her pack n play pushed to the side of the room. Where Ava had slept her whole life. And it was empty. And I felt my eyes fill with tears.
How did 6 months fly by? She has laid by our sides for the past 6 months. Protected by us from this SIDS creature that lurked in the night. Comforted by us when she was hungry. And loved by us when she cried.
I laid down in our bed and cried. And cried a little more. And I'm turning into such a sap these days. But for the past 6 months I was able to watch her chest rise and fall next to me. Hold her hand when I just wanted to know she was there. And wake up to her smile every morning. Or the smell of her poopy diaper or look at the dried spit-up on her face :)
Yes, for the past 6 months we also woke up several times in the middle of the night. And we still wake up at least once to feed her. But I have still loved sharing our room with her.
So while she was peacefully sleeping in the other room, I was trying to adjust to this new sleeping situation in our room. And I began going through all the thousands of pictures of her on my phone. Scrolling back to last days of my pregnancy and the first days of her life.
And she was so tiny and so beautiful. And there were pictures of us look a wee bit weird and awkward as first time parents. But we took it all in stride. And we grew into our new roles immediately and have loved our growing family.
And sometimes Ava looked like a big goof. And sometimes she still does.
Statue Girl
Mohawk Girl
But these are the pictures we have to document her life. And having this little milestone in her life of moving to her own room has made me already go back and look at the days when she first came home and to see how much our lives have changed up to this point. And I have loved every minute. And I've loved being a mom and learning to be parents with my husband. And learning to communicate and help each other out as we learn and make decisions together on how we will parent our baby girl.
Kyle camed and joined me in our room. Seeing my red, teary eyes. And we lay together looking at pictures. And we intently listened to the monitor fuzz waiting for any little noise so that we could run to the other room and rescue Ava. Waiting for a whimper of discontent. And it never came. The only sound we heard was the sigh of Koda laying down next to her crib. And I was glad Koda came to the rescue as her protector.
But around 4:30am Ava finally cried out for food. And we both jumped up faster than we would have if she was next to our bed. And we swooped Ava out of her crib to cuddle with us in bed while she ate. Making our room feel complete again. And making my heart feel complete again.
We will continue to get used to this new arrangement. And eventually this separation will be less taxing on me. Everyone jokes that this separation anxiety that is talked about in every baby book is really talking about the anxiety on me and not on Ava. And so far that seems to be true.
Some of this parenting stuff is hard. I feel like some parenting decisions have to be made more with the head and less with the heart. Because if a parent only made decisions based on their heart their kids would live close by and be taken care of and pampered for the rest of their lives so that nothing could hurt them and they would always be ok.
But while we adjust, if Ava ever wants to be rescued from her large, lonely, evil crib again we will be right there to swoop her up. For her well-being, and also for ours!
