Hallelujah

Written 3/21/13:

We slept through the night.  All of us.  OMG.  It has been over 6 months since we have been getting sleep and now it's been a couple nights in a row.  And it's glorious!

I have asked and asked around (just about the only thing I have asked advice for because I'm a bit stubborn proud independent the best mom ever and I don't need to follow advice) about how to get your child to sleep through the night.

The first couple months people said:
1. She's a bigger baby and she won't sleep the whole night because she will be hungry more often (funny they say this about small babies, too, but because they need to eat to grow so whatever)
2. She's too young and will not sleep through the night so don't worry about it, it will happen in time
3. Breast milk goes through her faster so she will need to eat more often
4. Take her out of our room so that we all sleep better and not hear each other in the middle of the night

Then people said:
1. Only a little longer and she will sleep through the night
2. Or they just looked at us with /pity faces

And finally when she got around 5 months old:
1.  Still got the sad/pity face of people thinking "what are you guys doing wrong?"
2. Don't rock her to sleep
3. Don't feed her to help her fall sleep
3. Lay her down when she is tired so she learns to fall asleep
4. Take her out of our room
5. Have her take less naps (not possible...she takes 3 power naps a day...like 20 minute naps and then she is ready to play for 4 hours)
6. And finally...let her cry it out

Well first, some of this advice around 5 months would have been nice at one and two months (even though I'm not sure I would have followed the advice if she started crying)!  It made me feel like I had already screwed up my child and we were stuck with our nightly snuggles, feedings, and diaper changes.

And my second thought was who are these demon moms who let their kids cry it out?

But time after time everyone insisted - Crying it out works!  I had several moms say that they waited til their baby was 8 months and finally gave in to letting their child cry it out so they could get sleep and not be the crazy mom.  Other moms said they waited til 18 months and finally caved to the crying it out method.  But the one thing that was not said was that crying it out did NOT work.  100% effective.  And I knew we had to look into it.

There was basically the cry it out method and the not cry it out method.  And in all actuality these are the same method.  The latter method is really for the parents to feel better and not the child because the child cries just the same.  The cry it out method is letting your kid just cry...and cry...and cry...but with no intervention.  No hugs, no affection, no peeking into the crib, no bottle, no rocking.  Nothing.  Well, except for listening to your kid cry.  The second method, unlike the title states, also involves crying.  And more crying.  And some more after that.  BUT at different intervals of time you are able to console your kid.  Not with hugs, rocking, or food.  But with pats on the back and hushing for about a minute and then disapperaing again.  So that your appearances do not mean food or play time, and eventually they give up and go to sleep.

The last part is what got me every time.  They give up.  They know you aren't there for affection.  For love.  To take care of their wants and needs.  They basically think "Screw it, Mom doesn't love me so I guess I'll pass out".  And this is part of the reason we postponed trying this 100% effective method for so long.

In general I didn't want Ava to "give up", but I also was affected by a little boy at Ava's daycare.  At daycare there was a family who took in foster kids and infants.  When Ava was only a couple months old there was a little boy who came to daycare who had the worst diaper rash the employees had ever seen.  They told me that it was bleeding and still the little boy wouldn't cry.  At only 5 months old this little boy had already learned that when he cried noone would come.  He "gave up".  So he had already stopped crying for help when he was tired, hungry, or in pain.  It broke my heart.  And this little boy came to mind every time someone wanted me to have Ava cry it out and learn that I wouldn't be there for her every need and want.  And even with people telling me that he was a foster kid and his situation was very different from me trying to get Ava just to sleep thru the night...my heart said there was no difference and I just couldn't handle doing that to her.

Our baby is happy just about all the time.  No crying.  Just a bit of whining when she is tired or hungry and then smiles.  I didn't want to flip her life around and have her crying half the day just to sleep for her 15 minute power naps!  I didn't want to have her cry herself to sleep when I know I could simply rock her for 5 minutes and have her stay awake part of the night just to wake for a feeding or two.  Or sometimes seven times.  But I could fake that is was always just once a night just so we didn't have to try this method :)

But at last the time came.  And we had to choose.  To sleep or not to sleep?  Although it really felt like...to love your child or not to love your child?

With my research on the different sleep training methods, most said to start around 3-6 months.  But none of them listed the starting age at 6 months.  Oops.  Did this mean we were going to be defective?  Out of age range for sleeping?  Shit.

Last Thursday we experimented with crying it out for the first time.  The experiment would begin when she woke up in the middle of the night so we still helped Ava fall asleep for bed like usual (entails about 10 minutes of feeding).  She passed out around 8:30 and we headed to bed a bit after that (because we are late night party animals).  Around 1am the monster had awoken.  And Kyle and I stared at each other like "are we really going to do this?".  And so she cried.  And after a couple minutes we kinda looked at each other again like "are we still doing this?".

I tried to grab my phone and play games to distract myself from the time.  But I did keep track of the time.  We kept track of every minute.  Minute by minute as they dragged on.  At several point one or the other of us wanted to cave and we would discuss that at some point we had to do this or she would always wake up for a bottle or for Mom and Dad in the middle of the night.

And the time kept passing and she was not calming.  20 minutes went by.  I covered my ears tried to fall asleep.  Started crying.  Thought she would think I didn't love her.  Kyle would want to cave knowing that we could calm her back to sleep.  Also wanting sleep himself.

And then 40 minutes went by.  And I'm thinking my Mommy & Me fitness teacher told me at 40 minutes her baby finally "gave up" and passed out.  And I'm like ok it can't be too much longer.  Because 40 minutes was the longest amount of time I heard from anyone.

And then 45 minutes came and went.  And I'm like well she beat the longest record I've ever heard of for crying it out.  And again we wanted to go in there to save her.  But I was like I can't do this again.  I can't handle another night of 45 minutes of crying.  So if this is what it takes then we need to keep going because I can't go thru this gruelling process again.  I also thought of our pediatrician saying that it is easier now to have her cry it out while she is only able to push up on her arms and lift her head off the ground rather than when she is older and can stand on the side of the crib screaming.  So we kept going.

And finally we surpassed an hour.  And I'm thinking "what the fuck?".  Because honestly what else is there to think.

But I continue to think that for an additional 30 minutes.  For a total of an hour and a half of crying it out.  And baby girl finally "gives up" and falls asleep.  And sleeps the remainder of the night.  And I don't know whether to cheer or feel like a shit ass mom for letting her baby girl cry for that long.  But either way night 1 was over.  And I can hug her and feed her and go about our day...a little more tired and zombie-like than the day before.

The next night consisted of 45 minutes of crying before she fell asleep...and the next night 30...and then 20...and it slowly got less dreadful as bedtime approached.

Regardless of the outcome,  I am still not convinced I would recommend this approach to others.  But like everyone else who told me about this approach, we are yet another product of it's 100% effectiveness.  And I guess you can't beat that.  Or a full nights sleep!

The Crib

Before Ava was born I read up on SIDS.  Not to an extreme.  But enough to know that even though they didn't know what "causes" SIDS, there were recommendations on how to prevent it.  Doesn't exactly make sense to me to have recommendations on how to prevent something if you don't know the cause of it.  If there are ways to prevent or decrease the chance of something happening it seems they have found the cause.  Right?! Whatev

Anyhow.  One of the ways to decrease the chance of SIDS was to have your child sleep in the same room with you for the first 6 months.  Well, honestly, I wanted Ava to be near me anyways.  So this was A-OK with me!  And regardless, if we heard her moving around, coughing, or had a feeling something was wrong we could either get up and have to go to the other room to make sure she was alive or we could peak in the crib by our bedside.  We opted for the bedside.

I have loved having her in our room.  Sometimes she moves around and wakes up the hubs...Mr. Lightsleeper.  But we also love peering over to see her smile, listen to her talk, or see her hand grab the side of the crib like she is trying to escape.  And sometimes we just watch her as she sleeps contently like a little angel.

A few times we contemplated moving her to her own room because we thought we were all waking each other up.  Making for interrupted, restless nights.  But in the end we kept her in our room and were comforted all being together.

I knew I wanted to have Ava in her own room at 6 months because if she slept in our room any longer we would both have separation anxiety.  At 6 months, I am really the only person who would have to deal with the separation anxiety.  And if we cut the cord at 6 months, we kept her safe according to SIDS guidelines while also giving her her own space before she ever knew that she had only stayed in our room her whole life.

And so on her 6 month birthday we got everything ready for the move. 

We set up the monitor.  And I turned the volume all the way up.  So much that we could hear our voices in our speaker...from talking in our room which carried our voices to her monitor in her room and was then heard through our speaker in our room where the noise started.  Uh, yeah.  I might have been a little nervous about going to our separate rooms.  And yes, our rooms are only about 10 steps from each other, so the noise didn't have to carry that far.  But it was still funny and a bit ridiculous.

So Ava already fell asleep in the living room so Kyle went to set Ava in her crib.  And we both stood there and watched her.  Waiting for disaster so we could take her back to our room.  She rolled to her side and stayed peacefully asleep.  We went back to the living room for a bit only to check on her a few minutes later.  Now she was sleeping on her stomach.  Gosh dang it girl!  I know once a baby is strong enough to roll over that it's ok for them to sleep on their stomach.  But this is only the third time she has done this.  And really?  Sleeping on her stomach the first night out of our room.  I would really just prefer all possible dangers to be eliminated so Kyle flipped her back to her back.  But then she quickly rolled back to her side.  And shortly later back to her stomach.

Such a small girl in such a big crib

 

We gave up on flipping her to her back.  So Kyle went back out to the living room and I went into our room to get ready for bed.  I looked around at her pack n play pushed to the side of the room.  Where Ava had slept her whole life.  And it was empty.  And I felt my eyes fill with tears.

 

How did 6 months fly by?  She has laid by our sides for the past 6 months.  Protected by us from this SIDS creature that lurked in the night.  Comforted by us when she was hungry.  And loved by us when she cried.

 

 

I laid down in our bed and cried.  And cried a little more.  And I'm turning into such a sap these days.  But for the past 6 months I was able to watch her chest rise and fall next to me.  Hold her hand when I just wanted to know she was there.  And wake up to her smile every morning.  Or the smell of her poopy diaper or look at the dried spit-up on her face :)

 

 

Yes, for the past 6 months we also woke up several times in the middle of the night.  And we still wake up at least once to feed her.  But I have still loved sharing our room with her.

 

 

So while she was peacefully sleeping in the other room, I was trying to adjust to this new sleeping situation in our room.  And I began going through all the thousands of pictures of her on my phone.  Scrolling back to last days of my pregnancy and the first days of her life. 

 

 

 

 

 

And she was so tiny and so beautiful.  And there were pictures of us look a wee bit weird and awkward as first time parents.  But we took it all in stride.  And we grew into our new roles immediately and have loved our growing family.

 

 

 

  And sometimes Ava looked like a big goof. And sometimes she still does.

 

 

Statue Girl

 

 

Mohawk Girl

 

 

But these are the pictures we have to document her life.  And having this little milestone in her life of moving to her own room has made me already go back and look at the days when she first came home and to see how much our lives have changed up to this point.  And I have loved every minute. And I've loved being a mom and learning to be parents with my husband.  And learning to communicate and help each other out as we learn and make decisions together on how we will parent our baby girl.

 

 Kyle camed and joined me in our room.  Seeing my red, teary eyes.  And we lay together looking at pictures.  And we intently listened to the monitor fuzz waiting for any little noise so that we could run to the other room and rescue Ava.  Waiting for a whimper of discontent.  And it never came.  The only sound we heard was the sigh of Koda laying down next to her crib.  And I was glad Koda came to the rescue as her protector.

 

But around 4:30am Ava finally cried out for food.  And we both jumped up faster than we would have if she was next to our bed.  And we swooped Ava out of her crib to cuddle with us in bed while she ate.  Making our room feel complete again.  And making my heart feel complete again.

 

We  will continue to get used to this new arrangement.  And eventually this separation will be less taxing on me.  Everyone jokes that this separation anxiety that is talked about in every baby book is really talking about the anxiety on me and not on Ava.  And so far that seems to be true.

 

Some of this parenting stuff is hard.  I feel like some parenting decisions have to be made more with the head and less with the heart.  Because if a parent only made decisions based on their heart their kids would live close by and be taken care of and pampered for the rest of their lives so that nothing could hurt them and they would always be ok.

 

 

 

But while we adjust, if Ava ever wants to be rescued from her large, lonely, evil crib again we will be right there to swoop her up.  For her well-being, and also for ours!

 



Mommy & Me Monday

Last Monday we participated in our second week of Mommy and Baby exercise class.  If you read last weeks experience you know that the first week had a few mishaps.

This week I was much more confident walking in.   Got my baby with me. Check. Paid for the class. Check.  Brought my carrier.  Check.  We were good to go!  I get out of the van, grab everything, and run inside since the weather has switched back to winter this week.

I walk into class and see two new girls.  I said hello and they were a little stand-off-ish.  Okie dokie.  Still not meshing with these other moms too well.  They told me that they only came to this class because their other Mommy/Baby exercise class switched locations this week.  So I guess I won't be seeing them much anyways.

I set Ava down and start getting my carrier on.  I start looking around and every other freaking mom has the Ergo carriers.  The name brand, top of the line, expensive carrier for their baby.  The carrier I described last week as a strait jacket.  The one with 60 straps and clips that I couldn't handle.  I don't even know the brand of mine.  I got it from another mom at a garage sale last summer for super cheap and it was still in the box because she had never used it.  That's the brand of mine.  And I was ok with it until these judging eyes looked my way.  Whatever.  I'm fine with it as long as Ava doesn't fall out of mine during class.  And not to ruin the suspense of this story but she did in fact NOT fall out of the carrier during class :)

I get all set up and a girl from last week sets her stuff down right next to mine and says hello.  Yay a friend!  Hello...uhhh...dang it I forgot her name.  So instead I say "hey there!" which worked just fine.  We chit chat a little bit and it was nice to have a familiar face in class to talk to.  We made a little bit of a bond even if this is really only the second hour I have known her.

Class starts and I'm feeling much better than last week.  Ava is smiling and swinging her legs and talking a bit.  I think it made all the difference to face her outwards in the carrier so she could see the world rather than my neck during the class.  She liked looking in the mirror and looking at everyone else in class.  This week I felt like I was actually working out.  And I'm feeling good that it can't go any worse than last week.

This week there are about 4 babies younger than 8 weeks, two babies around 3 months, and two around 6 months.  One of the younger babies starts crying in the first ten minutes and the mom goes to the corner of the room to nurse.  I'm a little taken aback.  I'm not against breastfeeding in public, but in general I'm still pretty uncomfortable and awkward with a mom nursing in public while I'm near her in public.  I'm actually pretty uncomfortable with all bodily functions in general.   Farts, the sound of peeing, blowing your nose, #2, and most recently the sound of a breast pump.  These all make me uncomfortable.  I'm finally able to blow my nose in public, but I get stage fright with all of the other listed bodily sounds if they are not coming from me and I'm by myself.  (If you are wondering how the birthing process went we turned the volume up while Pretty Woman was playing on TV so that no possible bodily function sounds could be heard).  But in general I'd rather not be in earshot of these things if it comes from other people.  So the sound of a baby breastfeeding even if it is under a blanket is still the sound of a baby breastfeeding and I know what's going on under that blanket and I'm awkward about it.  But we are all moms so I guess this is one of those things I'm just gonna have to get over.

So I ignore that corner of the room...and a few minutes later I have to ignore the mom nursing in the other corner of the room...and I continue doing my lunges and bicep curls and tricep kickbacks.  And this week I'm magically asked to introduce myself to the class.  The teacher remembers my name and Ava's name from last week so she basically introduces us to the newcomers in class.  Apparently I made enough of an impression last week to be remembered.  But I was glad not to be left out of introductions this week. 

The teacher is great and makes a conversation with the class after each person is introduced.  Sometimes she will ask about teething or sleeping habits or how this baby is different from your last.  Just anything about being a mom.  But it's nice to hear opinions.  Input that although it's biased on what worked for a particular mom, it is just conversation.  It isn't advice from people who think you should or should not be doing something.  It's not critical or intrusive.  And it's input that is always preceded with something along the lines of "this worked for me but every kid is different" or "I tried everything and this finally worked".  It's open conversation for moms to let other moms know what worked for them without stepping on anyone's toes.  So I enjoy this throughout the class.

The rest of class goes well and I feel sweat drip down my face.  My legs are tired. My arms are tired.  Ava is still smiling.  And I'm really happy that I came back this week.  We do the last part of class which is still my favorite - where we get on the mat with our baby and do push-ups, planks, and sit-ups while interacting with our kids.

We finish with stretching and I have a big smile on my face with how the day is going.

And then an elderly gentleman enters the exercise room. 

I half-expected him just to want to say hi to all the babies and to let the mom's know how cute they are.  Instead he informs us that there is a vehicle outside that has its door wide open and he wanted to see if it belonged to any of us.  He goes on to describes the vehicle and where it's parked.  And he describes my vehicle to a T.  I didn't speak up at first thinking this is the end of class so we are heading to our vehicle anyways - no need to embarass us again this week.  But he sticks around and describes it again and everyone looks around to see who it could belong to.  Finally I pipe up and state that it is mine.  Arghhhh.  So close to the day being a complete success!  My best guess is that something was in the way of the automatic sliding door that made it open back up or that I hit the open door button on my keys on the way in.  I just hate to have anything happen where I look like a frazzled new mom rather than having it somewhat together.  But we head back outside to a cold car and made our way back home.  And we continued to enjoy our day together - just Ava and I.

Exhausted after exercise class

6 months

Ava turned 6 months today!

She has her 6 month doctor appointment about a week from today so we can get her actual height and weight measurements.
We have weighed her a few times in the last couple weeks because I got nervous we would be over the weight limit for her carseat.  She is pushing 20 lbs, but we still have a pound or so until we need to switch to her bigger carseat.  She is growing too fast :(

She slept on her stomach for the first time last weekend.  We layed her down on her back...because duh we are good parents.  "Back is best" is what I always say. And every SIDS advocate and pediatrician and sleep sack and mom you run into on the street.  So anyhow I woke up and there she was sleeping on her stomach with one leg bent up.  Just like her mama sleeps :)

 

First night in her crib and out of Mom & Dad's room :(

She has only tried a couple new foods - sweet potatoes and green beans.  She is eager to put everything in her mouth.  When we are eating I will sit her on my lap and she pulls every plate, cup, and fork towards her.  It's fun to watch, however, we are learning to be on high alert with baby dangers because she reaches for everything and puts everything in her mouth. 

I love to see how curious she is about everything around her, but I am nervous about all small objects, sharp objects, heavy objects, every object.  Everything screams baby hazard.  Too hot of food hazard.  Too small of object for baby to choke on hazard.  Small ant crawling towards Ava when we let her feel the grass hazard.  Sometimes I think something isn't a hazard and am really laid back and think that the heavens have opened up and Ava is going to survive the day.  And then Kyle jumps in to kill the ant crawling towards her...seriously this happened.  Or the time I allowed Ava to do tummy time on the table...with my arms around her because duh I'm a good Mom...but she might have stuck her mouth on the table and licked it.  I thought it was cute and funny but the hubby informed me of all the germs that were on the table that are now in her mouth.  Oops.  And so I am learning all the potential baby hazards one day at a time.

I can make Ava laugh when I say "uh-oh" and "mama".  She loves to sit (with assistance), roll (stomach to back, back to stomach, left to right, right to left, somersaults...just kidding on that last one), throw toys (no assistance there), jump in her jumper (because that's what jumpers are for), and pull on everything (hair, neck skin, leg hair, dog ears, shirt strings, the drink in your hand).  She has no teeth yet.  But everyone insists that she has teeth coming in because she drools all the time.  She has drooled for 3 months now so I think everyone is full of it and we will just wait for a tooth to actually  make an appearance.

She has been giggling a lot.  It is so cute.  She cries and pouts when Kyle or I leave the room.  She is interested in everything and squirms a lot.  She loves to grab things so bowls, cooking utensils, and plasticware are now her new toys to play with.  And she is even sweeter when she falls asleep on us.

With how happy she is it makes me wonder about nature vs nuture.  Am I making her this happy because I'm so awesome and probably the funniest person in the world?!  Or was she born this way and even if I slumped around all day and wasn't very involved with her would she still light up the way she does because of her genes?  I guess either way it's because of me and the hubs but still makes you wonder.  Either way I love acting like a fool just to break out her smile and giggles throughout the day.

 

Ava in her goofy Grandpa flannel PJs

She wants to move and watch everything.  But sometimes I have to set her down just get get ready and she gets bummed that she is not sitting on the ground with all her toys or being held.  On this patricular day I set her in her pack n play while I was getting ready and she looked like she was in jail behind the mesh lining :)

 

What a goof

Yesterday we watched the KSU vs KU game for the Big 12 Championship game.  I really didn't watch the game but KSU lost.  I was too busy taking cute pictures:

 

Happy Girl

 

Practicing her KSU Cheerleading moves

 

 

More interested in her foot than the game

 

Happy 6 months Ava!  We are already thinking about how to celebrate your first birthday!

Love you :)

 

 

And Happy Saint Patricks Day!

 

 



Mommy & Me Monday

So I have been trying to not get on the computer as much.  Or the internet on my phone.  Hence Mommy & Me Monday is getting written on Friday.  Oh well.

Our Monday started off with a little bit of playing and a few errands. Hooray!

But just before 10am we were off to our first Mommy & Me exercise class!

I joined this gym a couple weeks ago which is a part of the business I work for and is only offered to employees (this is important for a bit later in the story). The front desk lady informed me when I joined that there was this Mommy & Me fitness class.  I was stoked. So I called last Friday to double check the time and we showed up 15 minutes til 10 on Monday morning.  I got there early just to make sure I could get settled in and what not...whatever settling into an exercise class means.  I made sure Ava had a little bit of food so she wouldn't get fussy but not too much food because I didn't want to get spewed on.  I made sure she had a fresh diaper on even though that wouldn't prevent a blowout from happening at any given moment. And I filled up my water bottle because hell I haven't done anything more than walking since about halfway through my pregnancy and I knew my diet pop from the morning wasn't going to help keep me hydrated through this workout.

Four other ladies and the instructor come into the fitness room with their kids.  There is an 18 month old boy whom I thought was about 3 before the mom revealed his age.  The boy was running around, picking up mats, playing with weights, and just in general hard to keep track of.  I guess I'm in for a lot of running around a making sure Ava doesn't kill herself in the next year because this litte boy was into everything.  The other moms had infants 6 weeks to 3 months.  Crazy to see how much Ava has grown since then.  There were 2 other first time moms which was nice because you can tell we are all a little frazzled to travel outside the house with our diaper bags, car seats, purses, extra food, etc.

The class is about to start and the instructor asks if everyone enrolled.  Oops definitely not enrolled.    Then she states that she can take checks now or after class.  And I'm like uhh strike two.  Definitely didn't know this class cost money.  Thanks front desk lady who told me about the class and listened to me say that I would definitely attend this class and thanks to the lady who talked to me on the phone when I called to confirm the class time and didn't ask if I had paid or signed up.  And thanks to me for assuming my monthly gym membership included this awesome class.

Then the instructor tells everyone they can get their babies in their carriers.  Carrier?  Did she mean car seat?  I was about to set Ava back in her carseat and was trying to picture swinging our kids in their carseats or doing bicep curls for a good workout.  And then magically the rest of the class gets out their carriers - like the strap over your shoulder backpacks that your baby sits in.  And I look around like a deer in headlights and just hold Ava in my arms thinking maybe I can just hold her and do the exercises.  We start with squats and arm exercises with no weights.  And it's completely obvious I do not have my carrier.  I inform the instructor that I did not know we were supposed to bring one.  Feeling stupid because now that I see what a Mommy and Baby exercise class is like how did I ever think I would just hold Ava through the exercises?  I really didn't know what to expect - I thought maybe we would be lifting our babies up in the air for arm exercises or lunging with the extra weight of our babies.  Or maybe just setting our kids on the ground and doing crunches next to them.  The mom with the 18 month old running around comes to my rescue and runs out to her car to get her extra carrier.  She even helps me strap all 17 million straps on and get Ava into the carrier.  Thank goodness for Mom comradery.

We start exercising and the instructor introduces herself and starts having other moms introduce themselves and their kids so everyone can get to know one another. Ava is enjoying herself and looking around for about 15 minutes.  Then all of a sudden she is like what the hell - I'm strapped in, I'm restrained, and I want food.  And she begins to cry.  The instructor informs everyone that "no matter how this class goes that we are all welcome next time and to keep trying".  It's nice of her to say this but at the same time I'm thinking please point it out a little more that this totally isn't going well for me.

So anyhow Ava is fussing so I grab a bottle for her and keep doing my lunges.  She starts squirming and getting angrier so I finally stop and go to the corner of the room to try and unstrap all 17 million straps.  I try to loosen one strap and Ava starts wailing.  I try to find a way to loosen another strap and it doesn't loosen as much as the other one so Ava is kinda hanging at an angle.  I try holding her up while trying to sneak my arm out of one strap.  It's not loose enough and my arm gets stuck halfway and looks like a chicken wing.  I loosen that strap a little more to get my arm out and then try to pull Ava out.  She is still stuck.  Finally the mom who lent me the carrier asks if I know how to loosen the straps.  I look over at her with one strap off, one strap on, baby crooked in the carrier and crying, and my shirt getting all out or sorts as I attempt to rip off this strait jacket.  She comes over and is like oh you just loosen this one and then clip off this one and 8 clips and straps loosened later we are released from this crazy device.

The instructor continues to ask other moms about themselves and I learn that another lady has a 2 year old boy, the lady with the 18 month old is pregnant again, and the mom with a 6 week old is sleep deprived and a bit nervous about her first baby.  It's nice to hear moms going through similar things and offering up advice.  The sleep deprived mom discusses how she is trying to get her kid to sleep and another mom offers up advice about a book she read that helped get her kid to sleep.  I then let the mom know that Ava is going on 6 months and still doesn't sleep through the night.  My intentions were to let her know she wasn't alone or whatever and some babies just don't sleep as much, but I quickly realized that I basically told her "things will never get better so get used to it".  Looks like making mommy friends isn't starting off on the right foot.  I decide not to speak anymore.

 Next up is going around in circles as we continue with lunges and arm exercises with weights.  Since the carrier was a disaster, I decide holding Ava is best and I will just do lunges by holding her and skipping the actual arm exercises.  The instructor notices that I carry Ava facing me and comments on how it may be easier to carry her facing outwards so that I don't hurt my back.  I try it and it works pretty well, however I don't think my arms are strong enough for this.  So my shoulders are hunched up to my ears as I try to hold Ava's weight and continue with lunges.  I am also taking a few cheat steps in between lunges because I can't keep up with the pace of this mom behind me with her 8 pound child she just popped out 6 weeks ago.  I thought I was in better shape than this.  Super instructor then informs me that I should try to relax my shoulders.  No shit Sherlock.  I mean thanks for the advice. I will try to relax my shoulders while not using my back to support my child's weight and try using my one pack abs that I have not used since they deflated 6 months ago. Perfect.

The next exercise was my favorite.  For real - no sarcasm.  It was more of the child involvement I imagined the class to be.  More playing with our babies rather than just holding our babies while we exercised.  For this exercise we did planks and push ups over our babies and gave them kisses on their foreheads and sang to them.  Very cute, right?  Then we began stretching.  And we all know stretching means the end up class.  Which means although I didn't necessarily survive this class at least I didn't walk out :)  And since I paid for the next 3 classes it looks like these ladies better get used to me.  Plus I gotta teach Ava not to give up, right?!

By the end of class everyone had been asked to introduce themselves...well except for me.  I guess she forgot?  Or maybe they got to know me too well with all our mishaps.  Either way I wasn't going to point it out and draw more attention to us.

And then just to add to my list of warm, fuzzy exercise class moments a mom strikes up a conversation with me at the end of class.  She asks me where I work and I just stare at her.  I'm thinking well this is an employee facility so I'm an employee HERE.  Like at least ask me a question you don't already know the answer to.  Instead of saying what I'm thinking, I politely tell her where I work in the facility thinking that must be what she's asking.  And then I ask her where she works where she proceeds to tell me that she works at this business downtown.  Apparently these classes are open to the public while the gym itself is only open to employees.  How many strikes do I have for the day?  Add one more.

We drove home and enjoyed the rest of our day off together.  Maybe we were just glad to be out of our class, but it was fun to play and hang out just the two of us.  I'm already loving having Monday's off and here's to next week's adventure.

Here is my one picture of the day.  Ava got to dress up all girly after working out so hard :)

Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

You are almost 6 months
In my mind that makes you almost a year
which makes you almost ready for school
which means you are already grown up

That is years down the road but oh goodness it's going so fast.

I read all the books - ok all 2 of my books - and briefly skim through them to see what milestones you will be reaching week by week and month by month.
At 5 months I read what you would be doing by the end of the month and I would be thinking oh we might be a little late on this or that.
And then one day you just up and reach that milestone!
There aren't really any baby steps in between you just go from 0 to 100.

We have watched you grow up and be more functional and independent in so many ways

From spitting out all your solid foods to holding the spoon and shoving the food near your mouth.
From hating tummy time to lifting your whole chest off the ground with your arms.

From being entertained by us reading you your books to reaching and grabbing the pages yourself.
From being stationary on the changing table to squirming and grabbing the lamp behind you.  Baby-proofing is starting now!

From laying on your play mat and reaching up to the toys to flipping from back to stomach (first ironically) and now from stomach to back (We think you do this to get out of tummy time because we are only able to get a few seconds in before you flip to your back every time).

My video coverage is like a classic home video from the 90s

From having a bobble head to sitting up between our legs to play with your toys.
From shoving towels on the sides of you so you wouldn't flop around in your carseat to now sitting with no carseat in your stroller for a walk.  Enjoying watching the world head on.
And from Mommy crying when she had to leave you at daycare or with family to you crying when Mommy leaves you...and Mommy still crying.

Baby girl you are growing up.

You are sweet, happy, and make us laugh with all your little quirks. 

We were never morning people, but the second you wake up we sit and listen to you talk to yourself for a bit and then are ready to play with you before 7 in the morning.  I have so many favorite things about you that I hope I can remember.  Some of my favorite things from the first weeks and months you have already grown out of.  Like the silly *sigh* you made after each time you sneezed.  That was your Daddy's favorite.  Or how excited you got when we said "hi" in a really high-pitched voice.  It used to always make you break out a smile.  I'm always learning the new things to say or do to get you to break out your cute smile.

I love how when I get down by your face you reach your hands out and touch my face - kinda like you are a blind person discovering something new.  Grabbing my lips and teeth, pulling our noses, grabbing my cheeks.  I love it.
You get really excited and smile when I make a face like I'm chewing a huge mouthful of food.  You will watch me while I eat and just be tickled when I chew.  So I started doing it without food in my mouth and you still get a kick out of it - and it works perfect for pictures!
You also love when I say "mama mama mama" over and over.  I get the biggest smile.  And the same happens when Dad says "dada dada dada".  We can't wait for you to say one of these words yourself.  And sometimes we keep saying mama or dada to you so that we will be the one to win and get you to say our word first.
You love your hands.  You shove them in your mouth.  You help shove one hand in your mouth by pushing it with your other hand.  And you suck on your fingers and thumbs like it's your job.

I will kiss you from one cheek to the other and you will squeal.
You also squeal when you spot one of the dogs across the way.  We have set you near each of them and you love to pet them and pull their hair and ears.  You will come up with handfuls of fur, but luckily the dogs are pretty good with it.  And Koda loves to get you endless kisses - we let him have a few before we force him to stop - he loves your face and feet.
We have gotten you to do a really cute belly laugh only a handful of times - and we aren't sure what it was that tickled you so much so we haven't gotten it out of you that much.  It was the cutest sound.
You make a funny growling sound throughout the day.  Not for any reason in particular.  But we have started calling you our little monster because of this funny sound.
I love that you grab onto me when I'm holding you.  That you grab my clothes or my shoulder and just hang on.  It's almost like you're hugging me back or at least grasping on because you need me.
You snore and it's the cutest little sound of contentment.
I love when you pass out in my lap - we will have trouble getting you to sleep and I will pick you up and you are immediately asleep and it makes me feel good that I make your world better and that I'm that comfort for you.

I love that you cry when I leave you - that when I set you down with someone else you make this huge pouty lip and whimper and cry.  Saddest pouty lip I have ever seen.  I probably shouldn't but I run back to you and pick you up and give you kisses all over to make it better.  At some point I will have to walk away so I don't make the separation worse - but I'm not at that point yet.  I want you to be ok when I leave.  But when I first took you to daycare you were the youngest one and all the other parents would leave their kids and they would cry and they would pick up their kids and their kids were grinning ear to ear and bouncing up and down.  And you were too young for those reactions and I would think to myself that you didn't know I was your Mommy or that I was doing something wrong that you weren't super excited when I picked you up.  You even cried a few times when we would leave daycare to come home (because it was time for food and a nap) but I would think to myself that you loved daycare more than you loved being with me and would think you were sad to leave them and sad you were now stuck with me.  All thoughts of a first time Mom?  I tried to act like you were just well-adjusted and loved everyone but it got me right in the heart each time.  And as selfish as it is - Now that you cry when I leave - I love it beause I know you know me and know I'm Mom.  And besides that you know I'm Mom - you also want me to be there more than you want to be with whoever I dropped you off with.  And I feel on top of the world to be that one person you just can't do without.  Because that's how I've felt about you all along.

Tomorrow is our first official Mommy & Me Monday.  We are going to an exercise class where the moms are able to work out with their kids - by holding their kids and doing different exercises with them.  I am so excited this class was offered on Mondays.  What are the chances that is my only day off work and that's the only day it's offered?!  In the next couple weeks the weather should warm up and I can't wait to share the day with you to let you explore the world in my favorite seasons - the warm seasons.  We have these cute summer clothes just waiting to put on you.  Your first little pair of shorts that will show you cute little legs off that have been covered up since you were born.  Cute little tank tops.  And I'm so very excited to get you your first little bikini.  I've had to hold off on buying it because you are growing up so fast and I don't know what clothes you will be in when summer weather finally rolls around!  But I've been searching since December.

Little girl you have made our lives so wonderful and we feel so blessed to have you.  As much as I love watching each stage as you learn and grow a part of me just wants to have you stay little and dependent on me.  I never want you to out-grow loving me and cuddling with me and thinking I'm the best and funniest person in the world.  Sometimes I look around and wish I could just freeze time because our times as a family with the dogs just seems so perfect and I don't want to ever forget it or ever have it change.  And sometimes I think it can't get better than this.  But I would love to be proved wrong like I have been so many times in the past.

I love you with all my heart forever and for always

Mommy

Solid Foods

We have started Ava on solid foods.  Our first trial was around 4 months.  I didn't really expect her to start chowing down, but I really wanted to start experimenting so she could get used to the spoon, highchair, and different textures and tastes of food.  Our first food was bananas.  She liked the taste, but her tongue moved in the wrong direction which was expected.  However, she didn't cry with the introduction of everything so I thought it went pretty well!

Then one of my friends told me I may want to try veggies first because otherwise after the sweet tasting fruit it can be difficult to introduce veggies.  Makes sense.  So Iwe introduced Ava to carrots.  And then peas.   And now we have been stuck with carrots for awhile because Mom pureed wayyyyyy too many carrots and we have a few servings left to finish.  Although, solid feeding hasn't been a consistent day to day thing, she has gotten a lot better with keeping the food in her mouth and is now trying to hold the spoon herself.

I'm looking to try and make a few more pureed versions for her.  I'm no Betty Crocker but season-less, steamed and mushed up fruits and veggies is right up my alley.  We have a couple trays to freeze the food into little baby ice-cube portions and so far it has been really simple.  And so far I've only done peas and carrots because I wasn't that smart with how many carrots you need to fill up and ice cube square.  Just FYI it's not that many!  And if you want to freeze a variety of baby foods then I would suggest starting with only a few carrots :)

Feeding time begins

Grabbing for the spoon

Sometimes we get nervous she is going to sling-shot her food at us

Other times she gets it just right!

But either way we have a pretty good time :)



Snow Day

Every year I countdown until warmer weather.  Once the chill comes in the air around October or so I'm thinking ok the holidays are coming up so that is good.  And the cold weather will come and go by January.  So then January rolls around and I'm thinking just make it to February and then winter is over because if it's February then it's basically March and if it's March then it's SPRING!  And everyone knows you can't have snow when it's spring time so in February there can be no more snow!  This is my thought process and once in awhile the weather does not agree with this train of thought.

This is one of those years.

In the middle of my work day on Wednesday we were already told that we did not need to come in on Thursday.  The weather forecast predicted over 10 inches of snow!  Schools and events were already being canceled before a single snowflake fell.  Anyhow, I was excited to stay home - not excited for the snow part.  I woke up Thursday morning and looked out the window around 6am.  No snow.  What the hell?!  I was half waiting to get a phone call in the early morning to come on into work.  But about 30 minutes later the snow begins.  And it keeps going and going and within a few hours we had several inches of snow on the ground.  Kyle got to stay home, too, but he worked from his computer.  So we got our first snow day on February 21st.  Seriously only a week from March and we are getting snow?!  I hate this.

The dogs were ecstatic and leaped around the backyard for hours.  And later in the day we all ventured out as well.

 

She was happy to go out.  But once we got out she was kinda like Mom - looking around and thinking what the hell is this cold with a scowl on her face.  We are warm weather folk.  But she looks pretty cute as an eskimo baby!

 

 

 

This pic is from the next day with the roads cleared.

 

Apparently we are getting another round of this on Monday.  Not just another couple inches.  Another 10 inches.  Then hopefully the sunny skies open up and melt all of this so we can start going on walks and wearing shorts!

 

 

Happy almost end of snow season!

Mommy & Me Mondays

I have started a new job as of this Monday.  I am excited and nervous about the change.  Even though things change pretty often for me, I get pretty comfortable with where I'm at and the people I meet so I hate the initial transition phase.  However, one of the changes for this job is that instead of working 8-5 Monday thru Friday, I will now work 10 hour days Tuesday thru Friday and have Mondays off.  You know what that means?! I get Mondays off with my little girl :) 

I am very excited because although I have had the same schedule as my husband and we got weekends off as a family, going from 24/7 with our baby after she was born to 24/2 and minimal time on week nights really blows!  And as much as I love parenting with Kyle on the weekends, there is something special of just getting to have the day with the two of us.  So this week and next week I will have a varied scheduled because of training, but after that our Mondays will be just us girls (and the dogs)! 

My goal was to have more time with Ava by the time she was 5 months (I made this my New Years goal and she turned 5 months in mid-February) I didn't exactly give myself that much time to make this change - unless I just up and quit working.  Sounds nice and would have helped me cross off my New Years resolution, but isn't really a realistic option at this time.  The job is still 40 hours a week, but if you take off my travel time and blah blah blah I still have extra time...and regardless one full day with Ava instead of an hour each night after work is going to be fabulous!  So I am pretty happy with how things are working out!

So with all that said...I have decided that I will be starting a post called Mommy & Me Mondays!  We may just stay in our PJs all day or venture out as the weather gets warmer or try new solid foods (I know, I know hold back your enthusiasm - we sound pretty crazy and adventurous over here!) But it will just be a post to remember my days with Ava and will be fun to see how they change as she gets more mobile and functional.

I've also decided to end each post with a few things I'm loving right now so here it goes:

• I love that our dog Samson whines at 4am to cuddle in bed with us each morning
• I love that Ava whines when I leave her for a second - her separation anxiety (that she barely has) just makes me know that she knows I'm Mom and know she loves and misses me
• I love that Ava will bury her head in my shoulder when a new person comes around
• I love that Kyle and I still laugh with each other
• tonight's example: sadly there was a gas leak in a restaurant downtown and it burst into flames - at the same time this is on the news our dog Koda is farting like crazy and it smellllllls. so Kyle makes some comment about having a gas leak at our house, too.  Yeah it may come off as corny but he makes me laugh a lot.
• or we laugh about my chapstick obsession - we find chapstick under the pillows, under the coffee table, and sometimes multiple chapsticks will fall off of me as I stand up - dropping out of my jacket or pants - and crash to the ground.  We don't even have to say anything - we just look at each other and laugh.
•  I love making Ava laugh and squeal by burying my head in her cheek and neck and making goofy sounds
• I love our awkward dog Samson who just stands in the backyard staring at us like a weirdo when we try to call him to come inside

And I will probably always have a few pics because as much as I laugh at my mom for being a paparazzi...I have now become my mother. and one day Ava will become me.  So hopefully she will enjoy all of these pics just as much as I love capturing them.  All thousand plus of them!

 

 

Trying to clean her, but we have a spew monster.  She cracks me up.

 

Loving bath time!

 

Have a good night :)

Valentine's Day

I feel pretty lucky to have a Valentine - we have gone from boyfriend/girlfriend, to fiance, to husband/wife, to parents in just over 3 years.  I love him more each day and love seeing the way we change and grow with each other as our lives change.  This Valentine's we shared with our baby girl Ava and even though we don't do a lot with regards to flowers, balloons, and expensive dinners, I loved spending the night with both of them.  I love you both with all my heart!

Here is a recall of our romantic gift exchange:

We don't do a whole lot for Valentine's day, but I do always request a card.  I learned early in our relationship to not say "I don't want anything for Valentine's Day" if you actually do want something...anything.  So I make my request even if it's small so that I don't end up with my "I don't want anything" ever again.

I got off work early, picked up Ava, and arrived home around 4:45pm.  I try to entertain Ava while rummaging through my purse to find the two cards I bought the night before.   I get my cards set up on the coffee table, let the dogs out, grab a quick bite of food and sit down to write on the cards.  I check the time. 5:05.  I know Kyle will be home in about 5 minutes...maybe 15 minutes if he still has to run to the store to get my Valentine's card.  Which is a good possibility.  I got Kyle a card from me as well as one from Ava.  I get Ava's card out first because we have to get a little crafty with hers.  I find an inkpad and put a couple handprints of Ava's on the card and write with my left hand to sign her name and say "Happy Valentine's Daddy".  It's a mess, but it's cute because it's supposed to look handmade by her.

Then I get out my card and just start the first sentence and I hear the garage door open.  Crap.  Kyle walks through the door and I yell from the living room to not come into the room.  He states that I shouldn't look either and he runs into our room to grab his Valentine's cards.  He sits down in the other room as we both write on our cards last minute.  I do put some thought into my card for Kyle and write a few things about how much I love him and finish up in a couple minutes.  And then I wait.  What is taking Kyle so long.  So I shout to the other room that I didn't take that long to imply that he doesn't need to try too hard either.  Or more so so that he doens't one-up me on what he writes.  Romantic right?!

He finishes the cards and comes into the living room with us.  He hands a card to me and then proudly hands a card to Ava.  And I'm like shit! I didn't get Ava a card.  So I hand him a card...and then I laugh and hand him another card.  Two cards for him from us, none for Ava. We both wrote pretty thoughtful things and his card to Ava was adorable.  Telling her how blessed we are to have her and how much he loves her and that she is his Valentine and it says Love, Dad at the bottom.  And I let him know I will be signing Mom at the bottom, too.  I can't let her look back at this card years to come and think only Dad cared about her.  Fail!

We also decided we were going to celebrate by making dinner together.  I found recipes online the day before.  I googled Valentine's Day recipes and came across recipes like Veal with fresh Thyme and Pork Loins with Apricot blah blah blah.  Come on now!  There is no way I'm capable of making that and especially not if I'm looking up a recipe the day before.  So I look up pasta dishes and print off a few and we settled on Cheese Ravioli with Basil.  We obviously didn't buy the ingredients yet, so we are off to the store around 6pm the night of Valentine's Day to get our meal started.

We head out the door and our grocery store is all of 3 minutes away.  But 2 minutes into it we realize that I didn't grab the diaper bag on the way out the door.  We decide to go without since we just fed her before we left.  Wouldn't you know the parking lot is full of people just like us.  Slam packed with people just like us.  Shout out to all the procrastinators! We grab our ingredients quickly knowing that we are treading carefully with our baby that doesn't have her bottle.  Kyle adds some steak to the recipe because he is good at improvising like that and we also realize we need white wine for the ravioli recipe.  As we leave the grocery store to head to the liquor store literally another 60 seconds down the road, Ava lets out a cry.  Game over and we didn't beat the buzzer.  Kyle drives us back home and heads back out for the wine without us.

Kyle gets back home as I'm still consoling our crying girl.  She really just needs to fall asleep but she's not letting herself.  I rock her in the living.  I feed her in the rocking chair.  I sing to her with her my favorite Pandora station.  In the meantime Kyle has made the entire meal and she is finally konking out.  In addition to the white wine (that apparently had a screw top), Kyle got me moscato to drink.  I'm not a real wine drinker, but moscato is like delicious alcoholic grape juice and right up my alley.  He gets out the moscato and then I hear him grumbling.  We don't have a wine opener.  While I would have just given up, Kyle tries to think of some Macgyver way to open the bottle.  A couple minutes later I hear a strange sound coming from the kitchen.  I shout to Kyle to figure out what is going on and he comes around the corner with his new electric screwdriver he had gotten for Christmas.  Whatever, I'm getting kinda used to these things.  And for the most part what he does actually works.  So soon enough I had a glass of moscato in my hand.

In the end we had a delicious Valentine's dinner and it was nice to spend at home with all of us.

Here's are a few V-day pics

 

Happy Girl

 

 

Dad & his Valentine (not on Valentine's Day)

 

 

Ava reading her card from Dad

 

 

Ava's artwork from daycare.  Love the projects she "makes" at daycare :)

 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Round 2

Round 2 of blogging. A year later. This is so sad. Anyhow, Happy Valentine's Day! I'm not anti-valentines or anything. But my little girl went to daycare in a yellow ducky onesie - no pink to be found on her. No little hearts or glitter on her outfit. Yellow ducks. She is adorable, but I should probably try a bit harder to celebrate holidays with her. Even if it's just for the one picture we'll snap of her before she spews on her outfit :)

I have been trying to re-vamp my blog all day! This is complicated people! I have gone to blogging help websites, websites that say just save this picture for your background or add the HTML and it's supposedly so easy...and I follow directions...and it doesn't work. Seriously?! I will keep fiddling with it, because although my blog isn't the standard template that blogspot offers, it is still not what I'm going for.

I'm more determined to keep this blog up and going, because our little girl is now 5 months! Meaning I have 5 months of pictures which by my calculations of have 5 months of pictures x first born status x paparazzi mom = thousands of pictures. Literally thousands. I have got to at least get a few on this blog. I also want to capture a few of our daily happenings and Ava's firsts. Even just a few months down the road it will be awesome to have this blog as a little diary of sorts.

Go Cats!

Almost 5 months

On our first walk this Spring - love the warm weather!